There is nothing I look forward to more than sitting in the crook of my couch on a Sunday morning before everyone wakes up, with my dog curled up on my feet and a water view. The only thing better might be the same scene with a mountain sunrise.
I don’t recall another time in my life when this was a priority or a pleasure. For years, waking up early meant I was exhausted and wishing I could just get more sleep, and the kids were already up with their requests and needs.
Maybe that’s where you are right now. Mornings belong to everyone else, and you’ve decided you’re just not a morning person.
Today I’m going to tell you about three choices, made over many years, that created my Sunday mornings. And the biggest one started with me laughing at my neurologist.
Physician Mom Morning Routine: Why I Protect My Early Mornings
Monday through Friday, I get up before sunrise and go straight to the gym. I respect these mornings, and I’m always grateful when my body clock wakes me up before everyone else.
Reflecting on paper didn’t make the cut for most of my life, not even close.
Clearly, it hasn’t always been like this, but in this phase it is a priority, and I intend to enjoy it as long as possible.
How have I made this time exist? So many choices, over so many years, in so many different parts of my life, have made this time exist. Three of them stand out.
Protecting Family Weekends as a Physician Mom: Why We Said No to Travel Sports
The first one came early, before the kids were old enough to ask for anything. We decided we weren’t going to intentionally commit to sports that took over our weekends. The reality was already clear. Sani was working every third week, and I always worked at least two weekends a month, so we had very few days in a month when all four of us were home together. I wanted to fiercely protect that time, not spend it traveling to tournaments.
Sani was in complete agreement. He didn’t grow up in our country with that pressure to compete and be involved.
It wasn’t free, though. It was hard when other parents were gathering and talking about the soccer tournament or the team holiday party, and I was sometimes left feeling on the outside. But I was also often the only one available when we wanted to go hiking, just me and the kids and the dog on a weekend. It shocked me how few people could find the time for an hour walk. I was grateful to be one of the few who could, and I made it a regular habit with my boys.
Negotiating Out of Overnight Shifts as a Hospitalist: When Your Health Demands a Schedule Change
The second choice was a lot harder.
I’m a hospitalist, which means I work inside a hospital that’s open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Kids get sick and babies are born, and they don’t care what time of day it is, so a hospitalist always needs to be around to care for them. I never dreamed I would not be one of those people.
Every hospital and department is structured a bit differently, but I’ve always worked in a group where people share shifts equally and every shift is covered 24/7. Then my migraines started, and they got worse and worse, bad enough to put me down for the count for a couple of days after every overnight shift.
I went to see a neurologist, who wanted to write a note to my boss saying I couldn’t work overnights anymore, and I laughed at her. I told her that’s just not possible. It’s not even in my job description. I’d have to quit my job.
Even then, I only had black-and-white thinking about what was possible for someone in my role. It took more than 6 months for me to realize that the headaches were unsustainable, and that the lack of sleep was making me sick.
Being sick took away from everything that was important to me. I was in bed when my family was having dinner together. I had a migraine hangover when I was supposed to be going for a walk with my friend. I was trying to work while I was still foggy from all the medicine.
It got to a point where I had no choice but to negotiate. I went to my boss and told him the only way I could keep working was if I didn’t have to work at night. That conversation was easier to have at that point, because I felt like I had no other choice. I had to stop working nights or walk away from my job completely.
To my utter shock, my boss was willing to work with me.
And I carried a significant amount of guilt. I didn’t want to be the one person leading a different schedule, maybe even a schedule everyone else was envious of. If I wasn’t working those night shifts, someone else would have to, and I am not one to put a burden on anyone else. But this was a decision that wasn’t only recommended by my doctor. My life had basically demanded it of me.
I had overestimated that burden by a lot. Once my overnight shifts were distributed out, most people wouldn’t even have an extra shift every single month, and some members of our team preferred nights and were happy to take them. Shortly after we talked, my boss consulted with the rest of the team, and everyone was in agreement. My fears were mostly in my head, and I figured that out fairly quickly.
Overcoming “I’m Not a Morning Person”: A Physician’s 5:30 AM Workout Routine
The third choice is the one I never dreamed I’d make.
After a solid year of sleeping in my own bed, I had a consistent sleep-wake cycle, and that opened up the possibility of exercising. I had always told myself I couldn’t do it because I wasn’t a morning person.
Shortly after we moved to Virginia and I started this business, I quickly learned I was not going to fit a workout into the middle of my day. The only way to make it consistent and long term was to take away from my evenings with my family by going to the gym, or to get up early and work out before my day even started.
That was an obvious answer, because I didn’t want to give up my evening family time, and no one would miss me in the mornings.
The only problem was that I believed I was not a morning person. That belief came from years and years of working overnight and living in a state of sleep deprivation.
Once I realized this was the only way to stay consistent, I simply decided that was no longer true, and I had to make it not true by following through.
It helped that the program I joined at the gym has a community of women who show up at 5:30 every morning. It’s a set time slot, so it’s a commitment I have to fulfill, and it’s a connection with other women, and I highly value both of those things. Add my unwillingness to let myself down, and it’s now a standard part of my life, an expectation that happens every day.
That physical exertion in the mornings has given me so much: less pain, more strength, consistent sleep-wake patterns, energy during the day, and pride that I could stick to it.
So now my body tells me it’s time to wake up, and at sunrise we don’t have anywhere to be most days. I get to enjoy my coffee, the sunrise, the crew team rowing on the water, and my journal. Just me and my thoughts.
I’m reflecting on this now, and I realize I wouldn’t be sitting here today without all of those years of choices.
A Question for Women Physician Leaders Creating Time for Themselves
So I’m curious about you. What are you protecting right now, and what are you still telling yourself you aren’t the type of person for?
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As always, thanks for listening, and thanks for leading with heart.