A Guide for Women Physician Leaders Reclaiming Their Voice and Values
Have you ever realized you were feeling resentful… long after it had already taken root?
Not just annoyed. Not just tired.
But carrying something heavier — something that used to be passion, or pride, or purpose — that somehow curdled into frustration.
Resentment is one of the most common emotions that shows up in my coaching work with women physicians.
And here’s the tricky part: it often surprises people.
Because the resentment isn’t always about a job they hate.
Sometimes it’s about a role they once loved. A career they worked their whole lives for. A position they feel grateful to have.
And yet… something doesn’t feel right anymore.
Today, we’re talking about resentment — how it sneaks in, why it’s so common in medicine, and what you can actually do about it before it quietly drains your joy, your energy, and your sense of self.
Common Feelings of Resentment for Women Physician Leaders
Resentment comes up in nearly all of my physician coaching work. And often, it’s a surprise to the person feeling it.
I remember when my own resentment caught me off guard. It was especially confusing because it was tied to a position and a job that I genuinely loved.
There are the more obvious, surface-level frustrations we talk about in medicine:
- Doctor’s Day compared to Nurses Week
- Pay disparities between specialties
- Work hour restrictions for residents — but not for attendings
Those things are certainly annoying. But for many burned-out women, the deeper resentment comes from more core places — areas that once brought joy, meaning, and a sense of accomplishment.
That’s what makes it so unsettling.
Resentment has a way of burrowing deep if it’s not recognized and addressed… or amputated.
Simply noticing that this feeling is brewing is a huge first step. But after that, you have to figure out what to do with it.
Tactics to Tackle Resentment
I’ve tried a few approaches myself — some more productive than others.
One option is to just keep trucking along. To tell yourself that medicine is rigid, large organizations don’t change, and this is just the cost of doing meaningful work.
Another option is to expose the sources of resentment, to speak up, and to advocate for change. That can be powerful — but it can also be exhausting if you’re already depleted.
On top of that, I find it’s significantly harder to advocate for myself when I’m depleted than to advocate for others.
Sometimes, the most effective move is a big one: changing roles, environments, or expectations to better align with your values.
Change is hard, but it can also be the fastest way to relieve that chronic, yucky undercurrent.
Because what is resentment, really?
It’s lingering negative emotion that builds slowly over time. It’s often linked to chronic stress and poorer health outcomes. It erodes connectedness — and connection is one of the things that saves my soul.
Worse, resentment can start shaping your identity. You begin to see yourself through the lens of injustice, unfairness, or being unseen.
None of that is healthy.
Digging yourself out won’t be easy. But it is necessary.
Here’s where you can start:
First, reflection and naming.
You have to be willing to acknowledge the resentment you’re carrying. Not push it down. Not justify it away. Just name it.
Second, examine your thought patterns.
What stories are you telling yourself about this situation? About other people? About yourself? Are those thoughts fueling the resentment or helping you move forward?
Third, consider forgiveness — not as condoning what’s happening, but as freeing yourself. Research shows that forgiveness reduces anger, anxiety, and depression.
Forgiveness helps shift you away from rumination and toward acceptance.
That doesn’t mean pretending nothing happened. It means changing how you carry it.
Facing Resentment Head First
And here’s something important I’ve learned — both personally and in coaching:
Resentment doesn’t usually dissolve because we decide to be less resentful.
It fades when we stop living in ways that require us to swallow our needs.
That’s the real shift.
For many women, resentment starts to lighten when they begin setting boundaries earlier.
Not when they’re already furious. Not when they’re already fantasizing about quitting. But when something first feels off.
A small “I can’t take that on right now.”
A small “I need more support with this.”
A small pause before automatically saying yes.
Another powerful step is having those conversations you’ve been avoiding.
We’re not talking dramatic confrontation. Just a clear, values-based conversation where you name the impact, ask for change, and stop expecting people to read your mind.
Because unspoken expectations are resentment factories.
There’s also an internal shift that is so important here. That is: rewriting the meaning of the situation.
Moving from “This shouldn’t be happening to me” to “This is what’s happening… now what do I want to do about it?”
That shift brings control back to you.
Because resentment grows in a state of helplessness.
And for so many women, a big piece of the puzzle is making the invisible load visible – at work and at home.
Delegate. Ask for shared responsibility. Let things be done imperfectly. (Laundry and PPT slides come to mind here!)
Resentment thrives when we’re over functioning and not letting – or asking – others to help.
Finally — and this one is close to my heart — resentment softens when we are witnessed.
When we say out loud, “This is hard,” and someone gets it.
We all need those connections. Whether it’s a friend, a coach, a therapist, or a colleague.
Not just venting in circles. But being seen, validated, and gently supported as we change.
And underneath all of this is values alignment. Resentment is often a signal that one of your core values has been stepped on.
When you name the value — fairness, respect, collaboration, rest, contribution — you can start making choices that move you back into integrity.
And integrity is where resentment begins to lose its grip.
Learned Culture of Resentment
And I know this can be complicated. Many of us grew up with the “be quiet unless spoken to” narrative. We were praised for being compliant, capable, and low maintenance.
That often means we learned to suppress our feelings.
On the other end of the spectrum, some of us — like my kids and colleagues with ADHD — feel things big and fast, and those emotions can feel overwhelming or out of control.
Wherever you fall, your feelings are valid.
It’s okay to feel resentment. And it’s also okay to acknowledge that holding onto it may not be serving you.
In medicine, your feelings may very well be justified.
And you deserve the time and space to make changes — whether those are internal shifts in perspective or external changes in your role or environment — so you don’t have to live with that constant emotional weight.
Closing Sentiment
If you take nothing else from today, take this:
Resentment is information.
It’s not a personal failure. It’s not proof you’re ungrateful. And it’s not a sign you’re not cut out for this work.
It’s a signal.
A signal that something matters to you. That a value has been stepped on. That a need has gone unmet for too long.
Your job isn’t to shame yourself for feeling it.
Your job is to listen to it… with honesty and compassion.
Name it. Get curious about it. And then — little by little — choose how you want to carry it forward.
Because you deserve a career — and a life — that doesn’t quietly harden your heart over time.
And if resentment has been sitting heavier than you’d like, this might be the moment to stop pushing it down… and start gently, bravely, working your way back to yourself.
If this episode resonated with you, I’d love to stay connected.
Join my email list where I share weekly insights, tools, and encouragement for women physician leaders who want to lead with more clarity, confidence, and alignment.
You can sign up at https://stephanieyamout.com/join/.