Physician leaders, let’s be honest, it takes a serious amount of conscious effort to carve out time for ourselves.
Prioritizing sleep, movement, nutrition, in addition to the reflection that is necessary to make us strong leaders, not to mention, trying to make sure we are there for all of the important events in our families’ lives too.
Add in perfectionism and a lifetime of people-pleasing, and suddenly boundaries feel impossible.
But here’s the truth: without strong boundaries, leadership and a balanced life aren’t even a thing. You burn out, resentment builds, and the very people you’re trying to serve get less of you, not more.
In today’s episode, I want to flip the script.
I’ll walk you through what I see as the five pillars of building boundaries that actually hold — so you can lead with clarity, protect your energy, and show up as the leader your team deserves.
Saying “no” is hard enough, but this is about way more than that. It’s about saying yes to what matters most.
Mainstays of Strong Boundaries as a Women Physician Leader
1. Clarity of Values – “Boundaries begin where your values live.”
If you’re fuzzy on your values, your boundaries will always wobble.
When you know what matters most, like for me, that’s my family, my health, and leading with integrity — you have a compass to guide your decision making rubric. Without that compass, everything feels urgent and equally important.
There was a point in my burnout story, where I started to actually recognize that the burden I was carrying was too heavy.
I was hitting a threshold where some days I just wanted to throw my whole career away.
When I finally recognized the enormity of this, I brought it down a notch and decided instead to throw away smaller things that didn’t align.
I stopped being the room parent at school. In fact, I stopped volunteering at school all together unless it was a field trip, because field trips are super fun.
This felt huge to me. I mean, my mom was the president of the PTA! But, I just didn’t get quality time with my family when I volunteered at the school carnival, thus it didn’t align, and it got thrown out.
Changing course and setting these boundaries, is as simple as saying, “That doesn’t align with my priorities right now.” Or “Thank you for thinking of me, but my time is focused elsewhere this semester.”
No further explanation needed.
2. Prioritize Yourself – “No one will recognize you’re CODE BLUE status, but you.”
For recovering perfectionists and people-pleasers, this feels like heresy. But here’s the truth: boundaries only hold if you believe your time, energy, and sanity are as vital as everyone else’s.
Taylor Swift said it best—and Mel Robbins backed her up: “Treat your time like a luxury item.” Because it is.
Think like ED triage: you can’t resuscitate anyone if you’re the one flatlining.
I think of prioritizing myself in two ways, both of which I failed at for years, and still work on every single day.
First: Calendar boundaries.
Block your time. Be clear about your availability. A coach once told me to use time-blocking to carve out space.
At first, I resisted. Because in medicine our schedules are chaos, and in physician leadership we’re trying to wedge meetings between that chaos. I thought I could never not be flexible.
But here’s the shift: sometimes it’s as simple as saying, “I’m not available for that.”
Full stop. No explanation needed. Not even clever. Just clear. And it works.
Second: Brain space boundaries.
This one is trickier. Some things in my day take up way too much emotional real estate. Meanwhile, my husband, also a physician, shrugs and moves on in two minutes.
Learning to let go of other people’s opinions, judgments, and energy drains is ongoing work for me. But it’s essential. Because when we let every stray comment rent space in our head, there’s no room left for the things that matter.
Sometimes the best line we can say to ourselves is: “I need to take care of my own limits here.”
3. Communicate Confidently
Here’s the truth: a boundary unspoken is no boundary at all.
We sabotage ourselves by overexplaining, trying to earn our right to say no.
But strong boundaries sound like: “That doesn’t work for me.” Period. Respectful, kind, but firm.
I’ve heard far too many stories of highly successful and respected women overexplaining, overvalidating, and overanalyzing their reasons for things.
No one else has a right to your reason.
Examples might be:
- “No, that won’t work for me.”
- “I appreciate the invitation, but I’ll have to pass.”
Say it short, say it clear, and stop talking.
4. Consistency Builds Resilience Against Pushback
Every time you hold the line, you’re training the people around you how to treat you. And you’re training yourself that it’s safe to do so.
If you move the line every time someone pushes back, you teach them the line is made of sand.
My examples of this come up most often with my children. Because kids push on boundaries more often than anyone else would possibly dare!
I knew I didn’t want to be the mom who gave in after my whining child asked me 15 times for a candy bar in line at the grocery store. So got into the habit early of saying no, sticking to it, finding creative ways of saying no, and never moving the line.
For some reason this becomes harder when we are at work, but the response is the same.
Consistency is key.
Boundaries are habits, not events.
5. Be Flexible, But Only on Purpose
Rigid boundaries break. Wise boundaries bend.
The power move is choosing when and why you flex.
Maybe you let bedtime slip on a Friday movie night, or you jump into late-night calls when leading a true crisis. But it’s your choice, not someone else’s demand.
I allowed myself to cross so many of my own boundaries over a 2-week period preparing my department for the largest union led work stoppage in US healthcare history.
This culminated in my acting in the role of an RN on an overnight shift, performing tasks outside of my usual scope, in a department that wasn’t my own.
Talk about uncomfortable. And exhausting.
But honestly, I felt like it all aligned with my “why.” And I saw that there was a clear end.
Additionally, I could clearly say, “I’ll flex this boundary for now, but it’s not my new standard.”
It is of utmost importance to be flexible when it matters and recognize and hold your boundaries otherwise. It’s all in learning to know the difference.
Summary of the 5 Pillars of Boundary Setting
So let’s quickly summarize the 5 pillars of boundary setting we’ve gone over here:
- Clarity of Values – Boundaries begin where your values live.
- Prioritize Yourself – Your calendar and your brain space.
- Communicate Confidently – Say it short, say it clear, and stop talking.
- Consistency Builds Resilience – Boundaries are habits, not events.
- Be Flexible on Purpose – The power is choosing when and how you flex.
Boundaries are a bridge to a life that reflects who you are and what matters most.
They help you move from resentment and exhaustion… to freedom, clarity, and joy.
I hope you’ve enjoyed this episode of Women MD Leaders. If you are interested in working with me, you can find me at womenmdleaders.com/work-with-stephanie.
Until next time, take care, and protect your peace.