As women physicians in leadership, we are constantly making decisions.
Some of them small — what meetings to attend, who to call back first. Some of them enormous — how to allocate scarce resources, how to support a struggling colleague, how to protect time for our own families.
The truth? We make hundreds of decisions a day. And with every decision comes risk: decision fatigue, second-guessing, even burnout.
But here’s the secret most of us were never taught in medical school or leadership training: the antidote to that constant decision pressure isn’t more checklists, more pro-con lists, or more efficiency hacks. It’s values.
Your values are the compass that cuts through the noise.
When you know them, and trust them, decisions get clearer. You stop second guessing yourself and start standing in alignment.
So in today’s episode, we’ll talk about how you can uncover your true values and how to use them as a compass to guide you as both a physician and a leader.
Road to Values Enlightenment
So, we all know we should make more decisions in life based on our values. But here’s the real question: how do we actually know what they are?
How do you figure this out for yourself? And why does it even matter?
I remember being in more than one leadership course where we were given a sheet with a hundred different words to choose from. All of them tempting. I circled plenty.
But later I wondered — did I pick them because I thought I should? Or because they actually shook me to my core?
For years, I would have said my top value was family. And of course, family is still central to how I live and lead.
But when I finally slowed down and got curious about what was really driving me, I discovered something else was actually top of the list when fueling my fire: fairness.
That one discovery shifted how I lead, how I set boundaries, and how I decide what deserves my energy.
Uncovering Values in Unexpected Places
Sometimes, clarity comes from unexpected places.
A dear friend of ours recently lost her mom to cancer. When I was talking about it with my kids, they spontaneously gave me the most beautiful illustration of how to uncover your values.
One said, “If I had only three weeks to live, I’d want to go on vacation and play video games with my friends. But if I had only three minutes, I’d want to pet Buffy.”
Travel. Family. Friends. Downtime. And above all — his dog. That’s what mattered most to him.
So, how do you uncover your values? Here are three ways to start:
- Pay attention to what irritates you most.
This was my big clue.
Whenever something unfair crossed my path, I had endless energy to fix it.
One story stands out: I had a pediatric patient who needed an urgent MRI. But she had braces, and our inpatient dental team refused to remove them. It seemed absurd. Her MRI was more important than her braces.
So I arranged transport to her orthodontist in another town to take them off, then back for the scan. It wasn’t a perfect systemic fix, but that child got what she needed. Fairness mattered more than efficiency or convenience.
And in that moment, my value was met.
2. Revisit your peak experiences.
Think about a peak moment in your life — the kind of memory that still takes your breath away.
- Maybe it was your wedding day,
- Climbing Mount Fuji, or
- Graduating from medical school.
Ask yourself: what made it so powerful?
- Was it the achievement?
- The people you were with?
- The sense of purpose behind it?
Digging into those memories helps reveal what matters most to you.
3. Reflect on what you cling to in hard times.
When life gets tough — like my kids instinctively recognized — what would you hold on to if time were short?
If you had one year left, three weeks, or even three minutes, what would you want to do, and who would you want to do it with? That’s where your values live.
The reason this matters is simple: values are your compass.
They won’t always make life easier, but they will make it clearer.
They point you toward alignment — with your purpose, your leadership, and your life.
And that kind of alignment is what helps you face difficult decisions. It guides you to take the right fork in the road (or the left 😊), and keep moving forward without losing yourself.
Leaning Into Values in Life
Being crystal clear on your values, will help you make decisions in life with a lot less guilt.
When my grandmother was on hospice, I lived on the other side of the country from most of my family. I got daily reports of how she was and I knew. I knew where we were in her end of life journey.
Holding tight to my values, I decided to fly home and see her. To give her some drawings and notes from my kids. To spend a few of her waking moments by her side. And to support my family through the care and heartbreak.
In doing so, I knew I wouldn’t be flying back for her funeral. That was hard. It could have been laced with guilt. But those living, warm moments were far more meaningful to my heart than the official ceremonies.
I could only release myself from self-inflicted guilt and the expectations of others by being so closely in tune with my own personal values.
Trusting Values in Major Decisions
Another very recent example came when my husband and I decided to uproot our family from California, where we had lived for 13 years, and move to Coastal Virginia.
This was no small decision. We left behind two careers we both loved, along with friends and family who had been our foundation for more than a decade. For our boys, it was the only home they had ever known.
But we did this with our values at the center. Family. Adventure. Growth. And it made the decision so much clearer — it was still hard, but it was not confusing. It was, in many ways, a no-brainer.
When you align even your hardest choices with your values, you tap into a kind of peace and strength that no pro-con list can provide.
How Values Surface in Leadership
This isn’t just true for personal decisions — it’s essential palpable in medicine and in leadership.
As physician leaders, we face constant demands:
- competing priorities,
- team conflicts,
- organizational pressures, and
- the weight of responsibility for both patients and staff.
Without clear values, every decision feels urgent, every voice feels equally loud, and guilt creeps in when you inevitably can’t do it all.
For me, the value of fairness has been a steady compass.
When my team designed a way to deliver efficient, cost-effective, high-quality asthma care, it felt unfair to keep it siloed. We worked to spread it across every hospital so more children could benefit.
But I also felt the sting when my values were missing.
When support staff went on strike, the extra burden on physicians was unrelenting, and the silence around it fractured the sense of teamwork we usually relied on.
Later, I discovered that physician leaders were compensated differently based on specialty. As a pediatrician, already among the lowest-paid specialties, leadership shouldn’t come at a cost.
Physician leaders should be valued equally, whether you’re a pediatrician or a neurosurgeon.
My value of fairness sharpened my leadership.
These moments, both affirming and challenging, taught me this:
- When you are anchored in your values, you lead with clarity.
- Your team knows where you stand.
- The hard decisions don’t get easier — they get clearer.
So this week, I challenge you to take a look a bit more deeply at your values:
- Pay attention to what irritates you the most
- Revisit your peak experiences, and
- Reflect on what you cling to in hard times.
I hope you’ve enjoyed this episode of Women MD Leaders. If so, please take a moment to rate and review the show and share it with someone you know.
Until next time. Take care of yourself and protect your peace.