Have you ever noticed that the people who stay the longest — and lead the best — in medicine always seem to have their person?
Their work wife. Their work best friend. Their 3am “you’re not gonna believe this consult” companion.
It’s the relationship that keeps you grounded when the highs are sky-high… and the lows? Well — the lows in medicine can take your breath away.
Today, I want to talk about the necessity — not the luxury — of having a best friend at work.
Not just someone you chat with at the nurses’ station, but someone who knows you, sees the look on your face, and understands exactly what kind of day you’ve had before you say a word.
And I’ll tell you about my very first experience of realizing just how essential that kind of support was.
Why We All Need a “Work Wife”… and Honestly, a Home Wife Too
There’s a term people love to use — work wife.
Thankfully, it’s evolved beyond gender: men say it, women say it, all kinds of partnerships mean it.
But when you really think about it… we all need a home wife too.
Meaning:
- Someone who understands you at a cellular level.
- Who anticipates the thing you need before you even know you need it.
- Someone who looks out for your heart as fiercely as they look out for your schedule.
But in medicine, the work wife becomes a lifeline.
- Your partner.
- Your pressure-release valve.
- Your sanity preserver.
Because medicine isn’t just technically demanding — it’s emotionally demanding.
The highs are outrageous… the miracles, the saves, the “this is why I do this” moments.
But the lows? The lows can knock the wind out of you.
I’ll never forget my first real heartbreak in medicine.
I was a sub-I in the NICU, deeply bonded with this tiny baby — and with the family.
I rounded on them every day. I knew that baby better than anyone.
And one day… I knew something was wrong. I could sense it before the numbers changed, before the alarms rang, before the attending confirmed it.
I was right.
But what we discovered wasn’t just a diagnosis — it was a medical error.
Not something I personally did, but I felt it as if I had.
I carried that responsibility, that guilt, that heartbreak straight into my bones.
The family, understandably, felt hurt and betrayed.
The connection we’d built evaporated the moment the error surfaced.
And even though the baby survived and ultimately did well — the emotional fallout stayed with me.
I held it together all day. But when my hand hit the car door at the end of my shift… I cracked. Just completely broke open.
The next day, I went to my attending and asked what every trainee eventually asks:
“How do you do this? How do you keep your heart intact over the course of an entire career?”
She looked at me and said, “You just learn to carry it.”
And she was right — but that wasn’t the whole story.
Because yes, you learn to carry it… but you cannot carry it alone.
Why Work Best Friends Are Non-Negotiable
Over time, I’ve learned that what actually allows us to “carry it” — and carry it well — is a support system.
In medicine, that support system is your work best friend.
Your person. Think Christina & Meredith from Grey’s Anatomy.
Why? Because no matter how good or terrible your culture is, no matter how functional or dysfunctional the group dynamic becomes… medicine will still smack you in the face some days.
And when that happens, you need:
- Someone who knows you’re not “negative,” you’re just decompressing.
- Someone who looks at your face and instantly reads that it was a wild night.
- Someone who brings extra energy because they know you have none left.
- Someone who texts you during a meeting you missed:
“OMG, you’re lucky you weren’t here — you won’t believe this.” - Someone who fills you in on the jokes, the wins, the absurdities, the humanity.
Inside jokes.
Shared eye rolls.
Debriefs in the hallway.
Walking to your car together.
Knowing when you’re “fine”… and when you’re not fine at all.
This isn’t fluff. This is emotional survival.
This is what keeps us human.
What the Research Says – Friends at Work Reduce Burnout and Increase Longevity in Medicine
And what’s fascinating? This isn’t just anecdotal.
There is solid research showing that having a best friend at work:
- Reduces burnout and emotional exhaustion
- Improves resilience during high-stress clinical work
- Increases job satisfaction and retention
- Promotes psychological safety and teamwork
- Decreases the likelihood of leaving medicine entirely
For example:
- Gallup found that employees who say they have a “best friend at work” are seven times more likely to be engaged in their job. [1]
- The same Gallup research links having a best friend at work with outcomes like
- fewer safety incidents,
- stronger collaboration,
- innovation,
- higher retention and
- performance.
- Among physicians specifically, the Mayo Clinic and the AMA found that peer gatherings resulted in “measurably lower burnout and social isolation, and higher well-being and job satisfaction.”[2]
We can all feel that physician burnout remains high, and the literature clearly shows it, but it is also clear that social connection — including peer relationships — is a key mitigating factor in sustaining physician well-being.[3]
Medicine is too heavy to carry alone.
The work best friend isn’t optional — it’s necessary.
Closing & Reflection
So here’s my encouragement to you:
Find your person.
Find the friend who gets your face, your humor, your exhaustion, your brilliance.
Invest in that relationship intentionally.
Be that safe place for someone else.
Because medicine asks a lot of us — more than most people ever see.
But it becomes survivable, sustainable, and often even joyful… when you don’t have to navigate it alone.
Subscribe to the Women MD Leaders Podcast so you don’t miss what’s next — and if you’re ready to take this work deeper, you can find resources and coaching at WomenMDLeaders.com.
I’m Dr. Stephanie Yamout — thank you for listening, and for leading with heart.
[1] Patel A, Plowman S. The Increasing Importance of a Best Friend at Work. Gallup Workplace. Jan 19 2024. Available online.
[2] Berg S. “4 lessons Mayo Clinic learned from group meetings to cut burnout.” American Medical Association. Apr 4 2018. Available online.
[3] Underdahl L, Ditri M, Duthely LM. Physician Burnout: Evidence-Based Roadmaps to Prioritizing and Supporting Personal Wellbeing. J Healthc Leadersh. 2024 Jan 4;16:15-27. doi: 10.2147/JHL.S389245. PMID: 38192639; PMCID: PMC10773242.