EP 19: The Lie of “Having It All”: Why Women Physicians Need a New Playbook

The Lie of “Having It All”: Why Women Physicians Need a New Playbook

Have you ever convinced yourself you could “just push through” — because that’s what you’ve always done?

I see this so often in women physicians: we spend years training ourselves to believe we can do anything — survive any rotation… power through any season… carry every load — and then we’re shocked when that strategy stops working at some point in real life.

We think we “should” be able to raise a family, lead at work, stay healthy, stay connected, stay on top of everything — all at the same time — because once upon a time we could do anything for four weeks at a time.

But here’s the truth most of us were never taught:

There comes a point where pushing becomes breaking.

Where all the “I can do it all” energy doesn’t move us forward — it quietly drains us.

And if you’re listening today and thinking, “Oh… that’s me,” I want you to know two things:

One, you’re not alone.

And two, you don’t need a life overhaul to feel better — you just need a pause and a plan.

She Can Do It All

Somewhere along the way, we were all sold this idea that we can — and should — do all the things. That balance is achievable if we hustle hard enough, schedule tightly enough, push long enough.

With more years and a little bit of wisdom behind me now, I’ve come to believe that’s all a farce.

A beautiful one. A seductive one. But a farce, nonetheless.

In medicine, I think this belief starts early. And with good reason.

To survive the rigor, we have to believe we can do it all. We walk into medical school telling ourselves:  “I can do this.”

Because if we didn’t believe it, we wouldn’t have the motivation to keep moving toward a finish line that was so far into the future.

We train ourselves to trust that the ultimate goal is possible if we just work, work, work.

I remember in my training years, I had a mantra:  “I can do anything for four weeks.”

Because let’s be honest — you don’t always love every rotation. But you still have to

And four weeks? Four weeks is survivable.

So you convince yourself: I can do anything for four weeks.

And then you graduate. And suddenly you’re in the big, wide adult world — and that “I can do everything” energy sticks.

But the world around you is no longer narrow or structured or predictable. The stakes change. The expectations shift.

The balance you used to force your way through those four weeks at a time – it doesn’t quite work anymore.

For many women physician leaders — myself included — it’s so easy to stay in that energy like the little engine that could.

We tell ourselves:

I can raise a family.
Be a great doctor.
Exercise enough to stay healthy.
Be a loving partner.
Be a good daughter.
Keep old friendships alive.
Maintain a tidy house.
Pay off student loans.
Save for the future.
Show up fully at work.
Show up fully at home.

We convince ourselves all of it is possible — all at once.

But at some point, there has to be a checks and balances moment.

Because doing everything, at the same time, at the same level, is… next to impossible.

At some point, we have to sit back and re-evaluate our values. Really re-evaluate our priorities.

Ask:

And the truth is: that might mean letting something go.

Not forever — but for now.

One thing you care about may need to fall away so something more important can rise.

But most of us never learned this.

We spent such a long stretch of our lives with blinders on — survive, pass, achieve — that no one ever taught us to pause. To reflect. To recalibrate. And to reassess.

When you don’t pause and re-evaluate, the everyday stressors of real life start to hit like tidal waves. And in medicine, those stressors aren’t small:

Without space to breathe, even the predictable becomes unmanageable.

Without someone pulling the brake for me, it felt like everything in my life had to be thrown out the window just so I could breathe again — just to see clearly enough to make a decision.

And here’s the part I wish someone had told me early in my career:

No one — and I mean no one — is meant to do all the things all the time.

Not even us.

Especially not us.

“So What Now?” — The How-To Reset Guide

If you are listening to this and thinking, “Okay… this is me. I’ve been doing all the things. I’ve been believing I should be able to do all the things. And I feel exhausted by it.”

If that’s you, here’s the good news:

You don’t need a full life overhaul to start feeling better.

This is the part most of us were never taught — the actual how of re-evaluating your life when you’ve been in survival mode for years.

Step 1: Create space — even if it’s tiny.

This is the part people resist the most, because they assume re-evaluating your life requires a sabbatical in Bali.

It truly doesn’t.

It requires one small pocket of breathing room.

And the simplest ways to create that are beautifully ordinary:

These aren’t luxuries.
They are so very necessary.

And yes — taking this time may push other things aside. Maybe the dishes wait. Maybe you’re not the parent who volunteers for the book fair this week. Maybe a meeting gets declined.

But what is the cost of not taking this time?
Of continuing to run on fumes?
Of walking into every day with a brain that feels heavy and a body that feels brittle?

Step 2: Notice what happens after the pause.

Let’s say you take that walk at lunch. Nothing dramatic — just 10 quiet minutes outdoors.

You come back inside… and what feels different?

Those subtle shifts create space.

Because if you’re feeling lighter, how do you think the rest of your day goes?

Your next meeting? It lands differently. You’re steadier. More grounded. Less reactive.

Your next patient? You have just a bit more capacity to listen, to connect, to care without draining yourself dry.

Your family that evening? You’re more present. Less snappy. You have a little more of yourself available.

This is the power of micro-pauses — they compound.

Step 3: Build one tiny, repeatable habit.

So you don’t need a morning routine that looks like something you saw on Instagram.
You just need one habit today that you can anchor into regularly:

When you do this with consistency, that lighter feeling becomes your baseline.
And over time, that baseline shifts everything:

This is how you begin to reclaim your life — one tiny step at a time.

So before you go, I want to leave you with this:

You don’t get extra credit for running yourself into the ground.

What makes you a powerful woman physician leader isn’t how much you carry —
it’s how clearly you choose what’s yours to carry.

So take one pause this week. Ten minutes. One walk. One journal page. One quiet breath.

Give yourself the space you give everyone else. And watch what shifts.

Thanks so much for listening. If you enjoyed this, find me on LinkedIn @stephanieyamout and leave me a note. I’d love to hear your thoughts! You can find more resources and coaching at WomenMDLeaders.com.

I’m Dr. Stephanie Yamout — thank you for listening, and for leading with heart.

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TOPIC: Reduce Anxiety & Exhaustion