We are the strong ones.
In medicine, we’re trained for it.
We learn
- How to deliver devastating news with composure
- How to hold space for patients and families in their hardest moments
- How to keep going, no matter what.
But somewhere along the way, something subtle happens.
We learn how to be strong for everyone else — and we lose the ability to be seen ourselves.
Because in our world, struggle feels too close to failure.
And failure? That’s not something we talk about.
But what if the very thing you’ve been hiding is the exact thing that would deepen your relationships, expand your impact, and finally let you exhale?
In today’s episode, I’m sharing a story I didn’t say out loud for years — and what happened when I finally did.
There is a Time to be Strong, and a Time to be Real
We are the strong ones.
That identity gets built early — and reinforced often.
We’re taught how to think critically, act decisively, and show up in high-stakes situations with clarity and control. We are trained, very specifically, to communicate hard things in a way that is grounded, evidence-based, and steady.
And that’s a beautiful thing. It a part of what makes physicians extraordinary.
But there’s another layer of training that happens quietly, alongside it all.
- Weakness becomes something to hide.
- Failure becomes something to move past quickly.
- And vulnerability? Something we learn to keep tucked away.
Not because anyone explicitly tells us to. But because we absorb it.
We watch how people are rewarded. We notice what gets respected. We feel what gets judged.
And over time, we internalize a simple rule:
Be strong. Be capable. Be composed. And whatever you do… don’t let them see where you struggle.
There is Power in Vulnerability
But I’ve come to realize those rules are incomplete. Because sharing our weaknesses, failures, and low points doesn’t diminish us.
It connects us.
There’s something powerful that happens when you allow someone to see the parts of you that aren’t perfectly polished. It’s like letting someone into your home when it’s messy.
At first, you feel the urge to apologize. To explain. To tidy up before they fully walk in.
But when you don’t — something unexpected happens. They soften and settle in. They feel more comfortable being real with you too.
Perfection creates distance. Realness creates connection.
And I experienced this in a very real way – through a story I kept buried for years.
It has taken me a long time — years of accomplishments, exams passed, patients cared for — to say this out loud:
I failed Step 1 the first time I took it.
The straight-A, overachieving version of me didn’t have space for that reality.
So I buried it. I moved forward. I passed the next exams. I built a career. I became the version of myself that looked like success.
And for a long time, that felt like enough.
Be Your Whole Self, So Others Can Be Too
But recently, I shared this with an old friend.
And something shifted. It was like a vice loosened.
She told me she had always seen me as “perfect” back then. That she had struggled in her own ways during training—but assumed I hadn’t.
And because of that, there was distance between us. Not because we didn’t care about each other. But because we weren’t seeing each other fully.
The moment I shared my truth, she shared hers. And suddenly, we were connecting in a way we never had before.
That’s the part no one teaches us.
We carry such high expectations of ourselves as physicians — especially as women physicians — that it can feel impossible to hold both confidence and vulnerability at the same time.
But confidence and vulnerability are not opposites. They’re partners.
True confidence isn’t the absence of struggle. It’s the willingness to be seen within it.
Even during my own period of burnout, I didn’t call it burnout. Because it sat too close to failure. And failure wasn’t something I allowed myself to name. So I kept going. Like so many of us do.
But when you can’t name what you’re experiencing, you can’t fully process it. You can’t get support around it. And you certainly can’t release it.
Ownership Changes Everything
What shifts everything is ownership.
When you allow all of your truths to belong to you — not just the polished ones, not just the impressive ones, but all of them, you stop performing. And you start connecting.
You become more relatable. More grounded and more present.
And ultimately, more effective in the very thing you care most about: Helping people.
Because people don’t connect with perfection. They connect with truth.
As Brené Brown reminds us, connection is why we’re here. And connection only happens when we allow ourselves to truly be seen.
Vulnerability isn’t weakness. It’s one of the clearest measures of courage.
So maybe the goal isn’t to be the strong one all the time. Maybe it’s to be the real one.
To let people see you — not just at your best, but as a whole human.
Because when you do that, something shifts. In your relationships, your leadership, and in the way you experience your own life.
You get to exhale. You get to be whole. Messy kitchen and all.
Take Action
If this episode resonated with you — if you’re realizing just how much you’ve been carrying, and how much of yourself you’ve been holding back — this is exactly the work I do with women physician leaders.
Together, we create space for you to reconnect with who you actually are. To release the pressure of perfection And to lead from a place that feels both powerful and real.
If you’re ready for that next level of clarity and connection, I invite you to apply to work with me.
👉 https://womenmdleaders.com/work-with-stephanie/
Because you don’t have to do this alone anymore.