Women more often than men, and doctors especially, are conditioned to adopt a self-sacrificing mindset rather than one of self-preservation. This is shaped by societal expectations, ingrained gender roles, and the culture of medicine itself.
From pre-med to practice, I was taught to give everything — my time, my heart, my energy — to this calling. And I did. Not out of obligation, but out of deep purpose and a belief that anything less would be letting someone down, including myself.
That kind of relentless commitment is celebrated in medicine. It’s the devotion leaders often seek when choosing who’s ready to rise.
But once we arrive — what then? How are you, really? Where are you in all of this?
At some point, the self-sacrificing mindset that once fueled us begins to weigh us down.
If we don’t allow it to evolve, we risk carrying a burden of quiet resentment — one that serves no one.
- Not our patients.
- Not our teams.
- Not the healthcare system.
- And certainly not ourselves.
When Sacrifice Becomes Self-Betrayal
We eat when we can, knowing there may be long stretches without a break. We have call rooms we rarely set foot in. We take phone calls during dinner, answer pages mid-conversation, and squeeze in life’s basic needs between the demands of patient care.
We’ve missed birthdays, weddings, graduations, and holidays with the people we love. Personally, I delayed my honeymoon for years. I struggled to take time off even when I was experiencing pre-term contractions during my first pregnancy.
But this isn’t a sob story. It’s a reflection — and likely one that resonates with you, too.
These moments paint a vivid picture of the dedication it took to get where you are today. This is the reality of how you were shaped by the medical system: to keep going, to keep giving, to show up no matter what. It’s the kind of quiet heroism that’s praised, promoted, and passed down as a badge of honor in our profession.
And yet, somewhere along the way, that constant self-sacrifice begins to chip away at something essential.
At first, it’s subtle:
- You feel tired, but you push through.
- You forget what you were going to say mid-sentence — again.
- You lose touch with the parts of yourself that once brought you joy.
But over time, the slow burn of self-neglect becomes a quiet resentment. You might not even recognize it at first—it masks itself as “being strong,” or “being dependable.” We were conditioned to accept this as the truth of our profession. To accept that this was the price of impact, of service, of leadership.
But then, one day, you look up and realize you were waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel, and it never came. Instead, you find yourself carrying a heavy weight you never meant to pick up — resentment, depletion, disconnection.
Drop the Weight, Keep the Wisdom
This is the part of the story no one tells us when we’re climbing the ladder. And it’s why I’m here today—to tell you there is another way.
It starts with deciding what matters most.
Not to your patients.
Not to your boss.
Not to your quality dashboard.
But to you.
What does your ideal life look like? What does enough feel like — for your time, your energy, your presence?
You don’t need to burn out to prove your worth. You don’t need to keep saying yes to everything just because you can.
Strength isn’t measured by how much you carry — it’s measured by how well you discern what’s worth carrying at all.
The truth is: no one else is going to protect your time or your well-being for you. That’s your sacred responsibility. It’s not selfish. It’s self-preserving. And it’s how you create a life that doesn’t just look impressive on the outside—but actually feels good on the inside.
You may know by now that I am a pediatrician and love caring for sick children and their families, however, I am also a Coach for Women Physician Leaders and I invite you to work with me.
I created this business solely to support Women Physician Leaders to get their time back, own their value, and command the room as they were born to do. I’ve put together a signature program designed specifically for you to take control of your time, reduce exhaustion, build trust with your team, and overcome uncertainty.
Take a look at my “Work with Stephanie” page at https://womenmdleaders.com/work-with-stephanie and fill out the application. I’ll be in touch to invite you to a free get-to-know-you conversation so we can be sure we are a great fit.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Until then, take care of your time and protect your peace.